i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
