There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
