it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm at about main and main street
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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