I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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