so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I deserve this hangover.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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