walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
