I smell stomach acid.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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