I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
