That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
