i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
