Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
