none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
