Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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