Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Randomize
