idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
