I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
