Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
