she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
