He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I want her autograph on my taint
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Randomize
