I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
