I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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