I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
