im drinking this country out of the recession.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
