Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
