also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
