at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
