You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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