i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
