I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
