You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm too high and old for this...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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