You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
