in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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