Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
