you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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