Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
