i already hear my dad disowning me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
