Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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