I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
