is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just gargled with NyQuil
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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