i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
