i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
