I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
