whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
