Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
