I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
