I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
