Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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