Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
