i will never coherently bang her
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
