Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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