how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
