fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She needs sedatives and a leash
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
