I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
