Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
